Up and Down like a flipping yoyo

One minute I'm ok, all Positive Parker, being a lockdown lady of leisure... the next I'm in a muddle, feeling totally overwhelmed and being a total Negative Nelly. It's exhausting. I know I'm not the only one feeling like this on an emotional rollercoaster but wow!

Friday was a particularly bad one, I got the news I knew would be coming but was clinging onto a tiny (unrealistic) slither of hope that it would be ok, my trip to Berlin with 2 of my Frank Turner Fangirls was cancelled, first the flights, then Frank announced the 4day festival Lost Evenings was cancelled, then I had to sort my hotel cancellation. All 3 of us knew it was coming but it was a sad day, at least we're planning for Lost Evenings 5 to be one hell of a celebration, even if it's in Australia (side note - please don't be in Oz, I can't afford it!!). On top of this my Lewis Capaldi gig in July was cancelled as well as the Kasabian gig in June.

As a busy social butterfly I'm finding it so hard to wake up every few days to the next thing being cancelled. There's nothing to look forward to at the moment because I don't know when things will start going ahead again. I've heard and read rumors that things might not get going until next year again but I'm doing my best to ignore this until it's officially announced, to think of no gigs, theatre or wrestling for the rest of the year makes me want to make a huge blanket fort, crawl in there and hibernate until it's all blown over.

I'm well aware there are people far worse off in the world and that I should be very lucky, but sometimes I just need to vent. I'm sorry if this comes across as selfish. I'm so grateful to be able to see mum and dad everyday and cuddle Tommy-Dog when it all gets a bit too much, but this is my little spot, my little world, to share how I'm feeling, and just like everyone else I'm struggling and I have my off days.

I just hope when this is over I never again take for granted grabbing a pint and having a giggle in Spoons, eating out, popping round for a cuppa, hugs, weddings, church, being able to go out for a full day, going on long drives, exploring new places, going on holiday, all three of us going out for long walks with Tommy instead of a rota of solitary walks, wandering around art galleries, walking down a busy high street and popping into shops to browse and try things on, standing in a queue and not having to think about how far away you are from the person in front of you, sitting in a theatre and getting engrossed in a play, cinemas, live wrestling - both watching on tv with a live crowd and physically being at the shows, hugs and handshakes from wrestlers, standing in a sweaty dark room jumping and shouting and singing along to music you love, and finally just being able to sit with my friends and see them IRL and not through a screen, I miss real people!

Sending a social distancing hug to anyone who might need one right now. Also I know it's a cliche but just remember it's OK to not be OK.

Stay Safe
Take care
Ttfn x

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